Chronology Blog

B Style

Wed, 14 Apr 2010 11:26:56 -0500

All I see are dark gray clouds
In the distance, moving closer with every hour
So when you'd ask, "Is something wrong?"
I'd think, "You're damn right there is
But we can't talk about it now
No, we can't talk about it now"

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more

Going Well List:
1. Good job starts this summer
2. “Real money”
3. Eric is moving in around June
4. My parents and I are being friendly

Going UNwell list:
1. Speeding ticket
2. Girls
3. Not having “real money” until the job thing starts
4. Sunburn peeling

Where to start. Its all in my head its just getting to thoughts to travel from my brain through my chest into my arms and out my fingers. So I am just listening to old music I love and new music that I don’t love yet. My room is a mess. My feet hurt from walking home from the bar late at night. My days have blended into a steady stream of being awake with strange breaks when my body has to sleep. My skin has been peeling off from the sunburn I got after easter. It feels like I am losing a shell. An old shell. Leaving me pink and vulnerable. I am tired of waiting. I am waiting for everything. I am not good at being alone.

And I tapped on your window and you let me in. We stared more than we talked. When we talked it was almost like old friends. Quick updates of our day and plans for the next. If you had kissed me you would have tasted the gin. I don’t really get angry. I just get hurt. The nice thing about walking at night is that no one sees tears. I fell in love with your dimples. You have them even when you are frowning. So you shut the door. Goodbye and goodnight.

I just need to be busy. I need to be so busy I can’t think. I need something to pull me out of this. Take me away. Its all black and white except when its gray. And it is gray way too often. Its all character building right?

Was I really just comfortable? Why am I uncomfortable now? How do I get back to home plate? I am just running around in the outfield.

“Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves.”

Luke

In No Time Flat

Sun, 10 Jan 2010 22:43:01 -0600

So let's shake and trade
and be on our way.

Yawn and the weekend is over. Its odd I think that I work more on the weekends than I do during the week. It was actually slow this whole weekend but I would rather be slammed busy than sitting around doing nothing. I hate feeling unproductive. Mostly I have realized its just up to me to grab the steering wheel and keep going. Stop being so scared. I pretty much write that down in everything I write ever. Doing it is just the problem though I think I am getting better.

So the semester starts up around Wednesday or Thursday I think. I am not positive actually. One of those days but I don’t even need to worry. Its not like I’m going to be late to class because I’m not going. I am actually thinking about finding some marketing/sales classes that I could sneak into and just sit and listen but who knows if I will actually do that. I think its funny to think I would rather go to class when I’m not even enrolled.

Its also drawing time. Time to go to home depot and get supplies. Because I get my art supplies at a hardware store. Drawing and some other things as well.

I love my new truck. Its tiny. Its not that fast. But its mine. We have an understanding the truck and I. As long as I’m gentle and keep him dent free he won’t stall out in traffic. I have kind of fallen in love with driving a standard though. It makes driving a little more fun and means I have an excuse for not answering phone calls because I need my hands for steering and shifting. Also if I do answer a call or actually call while I’m driving then people should feel a bit special because that’s a big deal. Though I have never really been much of a phone person. I would actually rather write physical letters or smoke signals for that matter.

Good luck this week.

Luke

I've just been thinking that its harder every year to find excuses that'll keep me in the clear. The arbitrary lines I impress in the sand, the proof that piles in my trash can; while the skin on my hands is looking older every day, the lies I've told have turned to leather on my face, the love I've lost has turned to needles in my heart - but I'm to blame for all the bad parts, they're the choices I've made. Hey, hey. That's when I turn my face away...

Twenty Ten

Fri, 1 Jan 2010 20:39:48 -0600

One of the first things I ever did here was writing out a long list of things that made me me. Now that it is a new year and its been so long it seems since I wrote that things have changed. Its time to update/write a new list.

1. Hello, My name is Edward Luke Andrews.
2. I can’t stand Edward. So I go by Luke.
3. I am a college drop out.
4. I am a hands on learner. I have to do it to get it. I have to make mistakes.
5. My musical tastes are all over the board. I have probably heard that song you want me to hear (doesn’t mean I like it though).
6. I am a huge pandora user. I go over the allotted 40 hours a week mark every week.
7. My mom is from Florida and my dad is from Louisiana. I know how to do seafood and cajun food. Red Lobster is crap.
8. I don’t really like to eat at chains actually for all the matter. I like mom and pop places or I like to cook myself.
9. I love to cook. I am a foodie.
10. Its either on the discovery channel or the food network...or cartoons. And even then I don’t watch much television at all.
11. I don’t really like watching movies over and over. I have a pretty good memory.
12. I order a steak rare.
13. Full glass of ice, long pour of gin from room temperature (Tanqueray), cut a full circle slice of lime and put against the side of the glass on the inside so the ice presses it against the side, then squeeze a wedge of lime over the ice and drop that in too, add slightly chilled tonic water to top (one with natural cane sugar if it can be found and preferably out of a glass bottle), stir from bottom to top and then let sit for just a minute or so. Enjoy.
14. I am picky about my drinks.
15. I love T-shirts and I am proud of my collection.
16. I cry easily. Certain movies can just pull tears out. I guess I am just a bit sensitive.
17. I don’t like going to movie theaters to see movies.
18. Most of the music in my library you probably have not heard of...and a majority of it is not even in English.
19. Subway order: 12 inch Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki on honey oat with lettuce, red onions, jalapenos, mayo, sweet onion sauce, oil, salt and pepper.
20. I am picky about my sandwiches.
21. I work at a winery. It is a very interesting job. I know a good bit about wine because of it and I love the people I meet every weekend I work.
22. I am not one for big groups of people. I am so picky with friends or people in general.
23. Jellyfish and turtles are my favorite animals (jellyfish are not animals).
24. I tend to drink a lot.
25. A lemon peel in my martini please. if you don’t have lemon make it lime. If you don’t have either then two (2) olives and make two (2) while you are at it.
26. I am not an alcoholic.
27. I don’t really like saying “no.” I like to try things once...sometimes twice.
28. I believe that there is no use in being scared of the dark. If its going to happen its probably going to happen. That’s why I don’t ever wear sandals. Hard to run in.
29. I still play with LEGOs every now and then.
30. I like walking more than I like driving.
31. I have just recently learned how to drive a standard transmission. I am kind of proud of myself (rare).
32. I don’t get along with my parents that well. I think it is improving though.
33. I like loopholes and work arounds. Beating the system.
34. I know if I am being lied to. I read people like books. Even strangers. I just go with it sometimes though.
35. I believe I can turn of street lights by walking under them. (street light interference)
36. I also believe in a lot of the things about indigo children and crystal children and I think I share many characteristics.
37. I am a word/letter person. Not numbers.
38. I am an artist and a photographer.
39. Yes, I will join you for a beer (Coors Original or Rolling Rock if its at a bar that does not specialize in beer).
40. I love celebrating holidays. Even the tiny ones that you still get mail on and don’t really count.
41. Even though it goes against all my rules I love the Big Mac. (Number 1 with a coke please.)
42. “A small fraction of the population is allergic to casein.” That would include me. That means cheese, milk, malts, ice cream, and all that stuff is out.
43. Because I can’t drink milk I really don’t like cookies or brownies.
44. I am not opposed to drug use. I think everyone needs to know their own body and what it can handle. I think that is healthy...yet your body is a temple so don’t abuse it. Know your limits.
45. I research everything. I do not like being ill informed.
46. I collect quotes and I try to live by them. They are very inspirational to me.
47. I have a folder on my desktop called inspiration. It is full of photos, quotes and just all kinds of stuff I like to look at every now and then. (At the moment 797 items are in it.)
48. I love to write satirically. That is what my high school English career consisted of.
49. I am very anti busy work.
50. I am anti class as well. I think I learn more by skipping class to be honest. A day full of sunshine and blue sky is priceless and I think that a good professor should realize that.
51. My favorite color is blue.
52. I love to scribble and doodle. Though I am very scared by blank paper. I don’t want to mess it up.
53. I think (know) that I hold back. I get scared by what people will think and that really does mess with me.
54. I think socks are sexy. Tall socks.
55. Don’t bullshit me. I hate it.
56. I think my mind is older than I am.
57. I fall in love far too easy.
58. I like holding hands.
59. And Autumn.
60. I think some days need to be spent doing nothing at all.
61. I think that a lot of life is a waiting game.
62. I live paycheck to paycheck and barely at that.
63. I am okay with it too.
64. I love craigslist and I check it so many times a day.
65. I recently deleted my facebook because I just got over it. Too much to juggle.
66. People that copy me drive me crazy. I get very upset by it.
67. Orange juice is my favorite juice.
68. I like gin in a bloody mary instead of vodka. I also like to use Clamato juice instead of regular tomato juice. (Ruddy Caesar)
69. Snicker.
70. Hi, I’m a Mac.
71. I used to play the trumpet in grade school-high school.
72. I really hate fighting. Either being involved in it or just hearing it.
73. I am very patient.
74. I wish I was a cool underground graffiti artist sometimes. For all you know I may be.
75. If I don’t get dirty I think the shirt is still technically clean. See #60.
76. Sometimes I think irony follows me around.
77. I believe in karma.
78. I really don’t like lists.

I feel as if I could just keep writing but that should be good for now. I am tired.

“Beautiful people do not just happen. The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and those who have found their way out of depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

“We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.”

Goodnight everyone and best of luck in this new year.

Should Old Acquaintance be forgot, and never thought upon; The flames of Love extinguished, and fully past and gone: Is thy sweet Heart now grown so cold, that loving Breast of thine; That thou canst never once reflect on Old long syne.

Luke

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

New Pair of Shoes

Sat, 26 Dec 2009 18:36:50 -0600

Tags off, laced to fit.
Concrete scars the perfect sole.
Take me somewhere nice.

I like haikus...almost as much as a new pair of sneakers.

Its exciting getting new shoes. They are the thing you wear more than anything else (unless of course you wear glasses). They will be tagging along with you, or rather, you will be tagging along with them where ever they take you. I think it is interesting to think of it that way. I am really hard on shoes. They wear out. They get beat up. They tend to have a noticeable odor. Oh well though. They are shoes.

I am exited as to where this new pair may take me. Its exciting because I really have no idea what the next year let alone months have in store for me.

Today had a pretty big shock. I wasn’t really expecting it but at the same time I was. Of course I have my extremely large collection of quotes to snag a couple I can relate to at the moment:

“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.”
“After a while, you just want to be with someone who makes you laugh.”
“From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that’s it, that’s all I’m interested in.”
“You know what it is that you want. You’re just afraid to admit it because you’re afraid of failing. Fuck that, fuck your fear. You know what you want. Just go out there and get it.”

Much better. That helps a bit. Deep breaths and all. I guess I can’t say I’m not ruffled up but I am surely eager and awakened to my new situation.

Rawr!

sometimes just blow up
sometimes just deflate
sometimes just hang on
sometimes pull the weight

So there it is. Happy Sunday.

Luke

You're eyes are burnin' holes through me.
I'm not scared
I'm outta here.
I'm not scared.
I'm outta here.

Home

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 11:21:59 -0600

TODAY IT'S SUNNY, IT'S WAY TOO EARLY, AND I DON'T WANT TO GET UP

Gosh life is here! I am not officially not a student anymore. I am about go home for holiday and I am kind of of excited. A quick change of scenery. I get to see my grandparents and it has been ages since the last time. I miss the smell of their house.

Be not inhospitable to strangers
Lest they be angels in disguise

I have been trying to be super friendly and talkative. I love talking to strangers. I learn so much. Life is too short to be scared of everything. You have to embrace the unknown and the scary or whats the point. I don’t want to live sheltered and afraid of everything anymore. I want to get out there. I am just sucking it all in. Absorbing as much as I can and loving it.

Home

Thanks

Luke